Matters of Circumstance Read online

  Really, he had no idea how halting and difficult that conversation with her parents had been. Farrah could not believe how timid she got in situations like this. It felt so unlike her.

  “A-actually…”

  Neal stopped, apparently at a loss for words. His eyes were a little wide and his eyebrows were arched. “No kidding?” he said, his body language hinting that he was trying to lighten the situation.

  “I’m not ashamed of you,” she said, too awkward about everything to look at him but meaning all she said, every single word. “It wasn’t fair to you or them if I acted as if you didn’t exist. I’m sorry it took so long, there’s no excuse for that.”

  Well, that and the fact that she hated the idea of Neal being bitter about their relationship. It was her fault that she hadn’t been upfront with her parents about him. If she had then this wouldn’t have become such a huge problem.

  “There isn’t, but I honestly didn’t expect you to change the next day,” he said, at once astonished and touched.

  “If you had seen me this morning you would have laughed.”

  He chortled now, as she had hoped he would. “This probably makes me sound like a sap, but I appreciate that you did that.”

  Farrah tipped forward and hugged him again. Maybe her actions would communicate how much he meant to her, somehow. She wished that it would be enough for him to pick up on something, at least.

  “So you’re coming?” Like she really needed to ask.

  “Yeah I’m coming.” He rocked her somewhat as he held her. “So is that all the recent news, according to you?”

  “Yeah—why?” Farrah tilted her head up and propped her chin on his chest. “Are you expecting even more excitement?”

  “Nope, just checking,” he said with a grin that made her heart puff up like a balloon because it was hers. All hers.

  And now that all of the pressing details had been taken care of she could ask him, “Hey, this is a blatant change of subject—”

  “Sure, I’m game.”

  Farrah displayed a slightly annoyed smile at being interrupted, but continued all the same. “Are you going to have a graduation party? Practically all the seniors I’ve talked to are.”

  “Well, I’m kind of half and half about it. Having a party would be fun, but cleaning house afterwards is definitely not going to be, you know?”

  She understood what he was saying, but she just had this feeling… “So it’s got nothing to do with this, right?” She purposely brushed the tip of his right wing through his hoodie.

  Neal’s expression became tolerant in nature, as if he found her question a little irritating but would have probably asked the same thing if he had been in her place. “Even if it did, I think it’d be a pretty good reason, don’t you?”

  “To a point, but it’s like you were telling me before: if you can’t do anything about it, why dwell on it? I just don’t think you should let them control what you do and don’t do, that’s it. It’s your senior year, and I think you should live it up.”

  Neal looked at her in a way she couldn’t read, but before he could speak the bell rang and they had to go to their separate classes. Just as he was leaving, though, he gave her a quick peck on the cheek and a truly affectionate smile.

  Farrah was so busy trying to control her blush that she hardly heard the teasing wolf whistles and calls of “Ooh O’Brien!” that bubbled up around her. It wasn’t much by regular high school standards, where couples were forever making out and groping each other in the halls—heck, it didn’t even exist by those standards—but for someone like Farrah, who had only ever casually dated, it meant so much.

  It was kind of humiliating that the rest of the school seemed to know that, as well.

  *****

  Everything was fine and more or less normal until lunch time, when Farrah received a text message from her father.

  ‘Hey I just got a call from your doctor. You’re due for a checkup in two weeks from Saturday, so don’t make plans on that day. Love, dad.’

  She finished reading that with only one word in mind: shit.

  Farrah had been seeing the same doctor since she could remember. He was okay, as far as pediatricians went, but he obviously wouldn’t know about her wings. Any kind of checkup would reveal her secret—and who knew what would happen then? She could be put into a protection program for freaks, or she could simply be locked up, or—

  There was an unlimited amount of possibilities, and while she absolutely had to escape this she didn’t know what she could do. It wasn’t as if she could feign sickness and get out of it, because that would only make a visit to the doctor more necessary. And it wasn’t as if she hadn’t been given decent notice…

  “Hey Farrah, what’s wrong?” Ruby asked, concerned. She even went so far as to crane her head in the direction of the cell phone screen. “Who texted you? Dalton?”

  Farrah shook her head. “Oh, no. I just found out I’ve got a doctor’s appointment. With a pediatrician. That’ll probably be really awkward, don’t you think?”

  One of her friends laughed and reflected that yes, seventeen was still considered a child since you technically stopped being a minor at eighteen.

  “How weird,” said someone else.

  “Yeah. Here we were, thinking we were growing up…”

  But Ruby was skeptical. “Why would it be awkward? Is your doctor a guy? A creepy guy?”

  “No—well, I mean, he is a guy, but he’s never been a creeper or anything. It’s just, you know, pediatricians are used to seeing babies and little kids, not high school students. I’ll be in the waiting room surrounded by babies, you know?” Farah explained, feeling kind of embarrassed for letting this whole thing get to her. Lately it seemed that everything was doing that, and it bothered her. She was usually more collected than this.

  Understanding flashed across Ruby’s pretty face. “Oh, that’s what you meant,” she said. “I thought you were afraid of being molested or something.”

  “Nah, my doctor’s okay. He just says lame jokes sometimes.”

  “Oh yeah, like puns or something, right? I hate it when adults do that. They think they’re hilarious, but they’re really not.”

  “I know,” Farrah agreed with an empathetic nod. “And you’re just sitting there, like, trying to fake a laugh or something, but you know it doesn’t come out convincingly.”

  “Totally! I do the same thing. It’s so awkward!”

  “Oh, that reminds me,” said their friend Andrea Barbados. “There was this one time it happened to me at my ex-boyfriend’s place…”

  While Andrea was narrating her puny tale Michael sat down at Farrah’s other side.

  “Hey, where have you been?” she asked.

  “Had a couple questions about fucking math,” he grumbled, his notorious hatred of the subject clear as day. Michael didn’t even bother to mask his dislike while he was in the class, so it wasn’t exactly certain why he was so determined to understand everything. Farrah’s theory was that he refused to let it get the better of him.

  “Nasty,” she sympathized.

  “That’s why I’m glad Fare’s in my class, ‘cause she gets it,” said Ruby. “All I need to do is look at her notes and I’m good.”

  “Well let’s give you an award.” Michael was obviously not in the mood to discuss the mathematical fortunes of others.

  “But you get it now, right?” Farrah said to distract him.

  “Yeah, basically. I don’t see why we have to use so many formulas though. I mean, what the hell is the purpose of the quadratic formula? Of graphing in general? Nobody’s going to use that shit in real life.”

  “I feel the same way about hyperbolas,” she agreed.

  “Yeah, I don’t get why we have to learn all of this if we never use it, either,” said Ruby. “It’s such a waste of our time.”

  “Speaking of time—long time so see, O’Brien,” Michael said, bumping his fist lightly into her bicep. “You’ve been spending so muc
h time with Sumalt that I haven’t seen you in a while.”

  “Not even. I always each lunch with everybody, and we still have classes together, and I still text and comment on your Facebook status’,” she said with a roll of her eyes. Her voice was blatantly lighthearted, just in case he thought she was being defensive. “You’re just jealous, Michael.”

  He frowned as his masculine ego balked at her comment. “Of you? Excuse me, I’m not a fruit, okay? I’m just saying that you guys’ have been spending an awful lot of time together.”

  Ruby was giggling. Farrah she thought she heard something along the lines of, “She didn’t even say who he was jealous of” and “Guilty conscience.”

  Making a mental note to bring that up later, Farrah merely said, “Well, he is my boyfriend.”

  “Oh yeah, I saw him kiss you on the cheek this morning,” Ruby gushed, completely forgetting about her Michael-mocking. “It was so cute! You guys don’t usually act like a couple.”

  “Yeah, but it also looked like you were fighting,” said Andrea, apparently done with her awkward-pun narrative. “What was all that about? I mean, you’ve only been together for, like, a week.”

  Ruby’s big baby blue eyes got even bigger. “You guys had a fight?”

  “Not really. We fight, but we don’t.” Farrah was having trouble putting the notion into words. “We don’t yell or even really snap, we just… talk. It’s weird. We, like, talk about why we don’t agree and make up in five minutes flat. That’s not really fighting.”

  “Nah, that’s super mature.”

  “And boring,” someone else at the table said, causing everybody—including Farrah—to laugh.

  “Yeah, you can’t even make arguing worth gossiping about, Fare. You’re too nice.”

  “I guess that’s a compliment,” she reflected.

  “Okay, so I’ve got to know: what was it about? I thought a week was supposed to be total honeymoon stage,” said Ruby.

  “Jesus, I’m sorry I brought Sumalt up,” said Michael, propping his chin up on his elbow and physically leaning away from the discussion.

  Farrah sighed, but didn’t think she had any reason not to talk about it except for her own personal reservations. “Basically, what happened was I met this middle-aged couple at work yesterday, and I judged them too harshly,” she said, and only as the words left her did she realize that, when you put it like that, it really was a stupid thing to argue over. “Neal was trying to get me to see that, and I was being stubborn.”

  “Oh, so it wasn’t about you two and your issues at all.”

  “No.”

  Ruby seemed relieved, but Andrea laughed inexplicably. “That’s such an innocent conversation, and here we are interrogating you like it was a huge deal,” she said.

  “Yeah, it really wasn’t anything worth gossiping over,” said Farrah with a casual shrug. “I just didn’t want to admit I was wrong.”

  “Why didn’t you like them, anyway?”

  She gestured helplessly. “I don’t know. They weren’t actually doing anything wrong, I was just being dramatic or something.” Which was really the gist of it.

  “Wow, that’s seriously anticlimactic.”

  “Yeah, sorry ‘bout that.” This was why Farrah didn’t gossip. People saw things and automatically thought the worst.

  Not to mention the fact she was really, really done with talking about her personal life.

  “Well, I’m personally glad it wasn’t anything bad,” said Ruby supportively. “I think you guys are good with each other.”

  “Thanks, Rube,” Farrah said with a genuine smile. She had actually been hearing that a lot these days, but it actually felt like a compliment when Ruby said it. She hadn’t expressed her opinion of Neal and Farrah’s relationship before this, and while Farrah probably didn’t say it enough she did value Ruby’s opinion.

  “That’s all fine and good, but can we have a funny conversation now?” Michael said loudly. “This girl-talk shit is seriously boring.”

  Andrea turned to look at him. “Nobody’s forcing you to be here,” she said. “If you want guy-talk, then talk to your guy friends.”

  Michael was about to retort, but then someone said, “Actually, I forgot to tell you guys what happened to me at the party last weekend…”

  Immediately Michael was asking about it, and soon conversation about Farrah and Neal was long forgotten.

  Whether Michael had done it for her or himself was unknown, but Farrah was grateful for the subject change all the same. She didn’t think anybody knew just how uncomfortable that conversation had made her. Private things were never actually kept private in high school, were they?

  Sometimes she wished she wasn’t such a pushover.

  Chapter 8

  “Neal, I’ve got something to tell you…”

  “Oh man, another thing?”

  School had just gotten out, and they were walking towards the buses together, but now Farrah stopped in mid-step and frowned, only partially serious about it. As she stared at him she hoped that he felt slightly ashamed of himself.

  For his part, Neal was trying hard not to laugh at her. So much for shame. “Okay, okay, what is it?” he said, grabbing her by the arm and encouraging her to keep walking. She obliged, but that was only because she didn’t want to miss the bus.

  She opened her mouth to say, but then he interrupted, “But before that, quick question: why do you ride the bus when you have a full, no-restrictions license and a car?”

  Farrah rolled her eyes as they got into the line of high school students filing into the bus. “Fuel economy,” she replied. “If I drive, I have to pay for gas, but this way it’s basically free. I’m cheap like that.”

  He thought about this for a moment, doing that man-hug and greeting friends as they passed in the meanwhile. Farrah wasn’t intending to, but somehow she ended up doing the same thing as she waited for him to respond.

  “Okay, it makes sense in a cheapskate sort of way,” he said finally, just as they ascended the bus steps. “But if I were you—”

  “—Which you’re not—”

  “—I would totally take advantage of having a full license, even if I did have to pay for gas. It’s not like you don’t have a job to pay for it.” That said, he dropped into an empty seat and scooted over for her. “Hey, do you think I’ll get busted for not even trying to hide how I’m sneaking onto your bus?”

  Farrah sat down and reflected that he had phrased his question rather humorously. Were the bus drivers not supposed to care if you made an effort to be inconspicuous? A part of her wanted to comment on that, but instead she said, “I don’t get caught when I sneak on yours. I don’t think the drivers care anymore.” Then, more to the current point, “Speaking of which, why haven’t you gotten your license yet? You don’t even have to do driver’s education at this point.”

  Neal shrugged. “I don’t know, it just seemed like too much of a hassle—besides.” He grinned widely. “I’ve got a perfectly good bus pass, and everybody else I know drives and doesn’t mind giving me rides.”

  “Wait. Don’t you know how to drive?”

  “Of course I do. I just don’t have the fancy card to prove it.”

  Well, that was a relief. “Oh, okay, because for a moment there—”

  “Hey Farrah,” said Andrea Barbados as she sat across the aisle next to Sally Salome, who only waved. The bus started on its sluggish way as Andrea settled.

  “Oh, hi guys,” said Farrah companionably. “How’re things going?”

  “I’m freaking psyched about prom,” Sally said with a predictable amount of excitement in her voice. “You?”

  Then Andrea noticed who Farrah was sitting next to. “Oh my god, Neal, don’t tell me you’ve rode this bus the whole year and I never noticed.”

  He laughed. “Nah, Farrah just doesn’t like driving to her own house,” he said conversationally, leaning forward to talk around her.

  “I told you,” Farrah said, unable to stop
herself from reacting to the poke. “I’m cheap. I’m saving money by doing this.” And then to Sally, “Me too. How’s Hunter?”

  Hunter was Sally’s boyfriend, and a senior (which explained how she was going to senior prom). He was also a first string linebacker on the school’s football team. Farrah had had a few conversations with him at parties before, but she didn’t know him very well.

  “Not as excited as I am,” Sally replied.

  “It’d be a little fruity if he was going on and on about prom, anyway. What’s your dress look like?”

  Of course, Farrah knew that she was probably not going to go, but prom always made for good conversation, so she was rolling with it. She could be excited that others were going to have a great time, couldn’t she?

  “Oh, I’m so glad you asked me,” Neal drawled in a girly voice. “Mine is long and pink with, like, sparkles everywhere. I get hot just thinking about it.” And he pretended to fan himself.

  “Ooh, sounds nice. Is it a halter top?” asked Andrea, playing along.

  “Ugh, no. I’m totally going strapless this year.”

  “That sounds so cute,” Sally said through a giggle.

  “It is, but Farrah.” He looked over at her as if there was some longstanding dispute going on. “Doesn’t want to wear a matching tie.”

  Both of Farrah’s acquaintances feigned gasps of horror.

  “How rude—the one thing you ask, right?” said Sally.

  “I should’ve warned you she could be an ass,” said Andrea with a playful smirk.

  “I don’t care who you drag into this, Neal,” Farrah said, pretending to be annoyed. “I am not wearing pink.”

  At that point Sally lost control and burst out into laughter, which caused Neal and Andrea to snicker (there was just something about Sally’s from-the-gut laugh that made everybody else join her). Even Farrah, who thought the whole conversation was utterly ridiculous, couldn’t resist a chuckle or four.

  Conversation continued to be fun right up until Farrah’s stop, which really put her in good spirits. Then, as the bus steamed away the reality of the reason that Neal was with her bogged her down like her backpack during finals week. All of a sudden her heart was beating one-hundred times per second and her hands were clammy. She shoved them into her pockets of her hoodie and kicked at a bottle cap someone had dropped onto the sidewalk.